Discipline strategies for toddlers and children
So how can you discipline your child effectively without resorting to harsh punishments or losing your patience? Here are some discipline techniques that work for toddlers and preschoolers, based on their developmental needs and abilities.
Use positive reinforcement
One of the best ways to encourage good behavior is to praise and reward it. Positive reinforcement can take many forms, such as verbal praise, hugs, stickers, treats, or extra playtime. The key is to be specific, immediate, and consistent. For example, if your child shares their toys with a sibling, you can say “Good job sharing! I’m so proud of you!” and give them a hug right away. This will help your child associate sharing with positive feelings and outcomes.
Positive reinforcement also helps build your child’s self-esteem and confidence, which can motivate them to keep behaving well. It also strengthens your bond with your child and makes them more likely to listen to you.
Be simple and direct
Toddlers and preschoolers have limited attention spans and language skills, so they may not understand long explanations or complex instructions. When you want your child to do something or stop doing something, be clear, concise, and firm. For example, instead of saying “Please don’t throw your food on the floor because it makes a mess and wastes food”, you can say “No throwing food. Food stays on the plate”. You can also use gestures or visual cues to help your child understand what you mean.
Being simple and direct also means being consistent. If you set a rule or a limit, stick to it and follow through with consequences if your child breaks it. For example, if you tell your child that they have to brush their teeth before bedtime, don’t let them skip it or delay it. If they refuse to brush their teeth, you can say “If you don’t brush your teeth now, you won’t get a bedtime story”. And if they still refuse, you have to follow through and skip the story. This will help your child learn that rules are not negotiable and that actions have consequences.
Skip time out
Time out is a common discipline technique that involves removing a child from a situation where they are misbehaving and placing them in a designated area for a short period of time (usually one minute per year of age). The idea is to give the child a chance to calm down and reflect on their behavior.
However, time out may not be very effective for toddlers and preschoolers, for several reasons. First, they may not understand why they are being isolated or what they did wrong. Second, they may not have the emotional regulation skills to calm themselves down or cope with their feelings. Third, they may feel rejected or abandoned by their parents, which can damage their trust and attachment.
Instead of time out, you can try time in. This means staying with your child and helping them calm down and process their emotions. You can use soothing words, hugs, deep breathing, or distraction to help your child relax. You can also explain why their behavior was unacceptable and what they can do differently next time. For example, if your child hits another child, you can say “Hitting hurts. We don’t hit people. We use gentle hands”. You can also help your child apologize and make amends with the other child.
Use “No” sparingly
Toddlers and preschoolers hear the word “No” a lot from their parents. And while it’s important to set boundaries and limits for your child’s safety and well-being, saying “No” too often or too harshly can have some negative effects. It can make your child feel frustrated, angry, or defiant. It can also lose its impact over time if your child gets used to hearing it.
To avoid overusing “No”, you can try some alternatives that are more positive and constructive. For example:
- Instead of saying “No running in the house”, you can say “We run outside”.
- Instead of saying “No yelling”, you can say “Use your inside voice”.
- Instead of saying “No touching the stove”, you can say “The stove is hot. Stay away”.
These alternatives help your child learn what they can do instead of what they can’t do. They also help them understand the reasons behind the rules and the consequences of breaking them.
Conclusion
Discipline is not about punishing your child, but about teaching them how to behave appropriately and respectfully. By using positive reinforcement, being simple and direct, skipping time out, and using “No” sparingly, you can help your child learn the rules and boundaries of their world and develop important skills like self-control, empathy, and respect. Remember that discipline works best when you have a warm and loving relationship with your child and when you are consistent and calm. Discipline is not easy, but it is worth it in the long run.
